STOP Saying You’re Child-Led if You’re NOT.
Lately, it seems like every provider and company refers to their services as “child-led.”
While it would be amazing if that were true (the ultimate goal is for all to accept this philosophy!), it’s far from it.
“Child-led” has become a catch phrase that gets tacked on websites and social media because it’s trendy. It’s a buzz word in the autism therapy world particularly, which is wrong on many levels. Over the years I have supported many families who have come to me after working with other providers that claimed to be child-led but really were far from it.
While I’m sure there are plenty of companies out there who are purposely misleading families by telling them what they want to hear to get them through the door (🤢), I believe the average clinician or educator wants to be child-led but needs more support. I plan to continue to blog about this topic with specific strategies and ideas that you can use if you are a professional or parent looking for ways to embody this approach, so stay tuned for that.
But today, I’m frustrated.
And I want to speak on something that has existed in the therapy world for a LONG TIME. That we can’t ignore: the fact that buzz words like “child-led” are being used to disguise compliance based methods 🥸.
Being child-led is a commitment to show up for the child no matter the circumstances. It’s not something we can switch on and off depending on the day, or the behaviors a child might exhibit.
It’s beyond that. It’s a core value and skill set that drives every strategy, decision, and interaction we have within our sessions and beyond.
And it is not easy; it requires discipline, patience, and the ability to be present with a child- in all of the ways they exist. It requires us to relinquish control. But when done effectively, it can be woven through the child’s entire day, regardless of the setting or goals.
Child-led speech therapy is a therapeutic approach where the child directs the activities and interactions. The therapist follows the child's interests and motivations, using these as the foundation for building communication. The purpose of child-led speech therapy is to encourage the child to follow their own ideas, bodily cues, and preferences.
Autistic children (like all kids, really) are constantly being told what to do. The difference is that the average autistic child is in multiple therapies starting from a very young age. They are constantly being directed by adults.
There is very little room for the child to explore their own ideas and follow their own agenda. I have met 3+ year olds who have been in 20-40 hours of therapy services PER WEEK since they were 2.
That’s a full time job.
No toddler (or child) should have a full time job.
If we want our autistic kids to develop communication, autonomy, and self-confidence…they need time to explore the things that make them, THEM.
Traditionally, these opportunities are limited to “breaks” from “work” during therapeutic or educational services. The child needs to complete an adult-directed activity before “earning” a few minutes to do whatever they want.
This approach, while widely accepted, is not ideal for supporting communication in young autistic kids (and beyond). It hinders creativity, independence, and self-generated ideas and exploration.
But worst of all, it creates a dynamic between the child and the adult that says, “I’m the adult so I’m in charge, and I get to decide when you have time to do things you enjoy.”
This can be as mild as a child being bored and unengaged ... and as traumatic as a child’s basic physical and psychological needs being dismissed in the name of “learning.”
For example, I recently spoke with a parent whose daughter attends therapy at a facility whose website states that they are completely “child-led” and “play-based.”
The mom thought she had finally found a perfect support team for her autistic child’s needs. And for the first few weeks, it seemed great. They WERE following her lead, and she was happy.
But then, the “honeymoon” phase ended, and they revealed how very little they were invested in the child-led approach.
I see this happen all the time. It’s easy to be child-led when the child is pleasantly leading you to a beautiful day of playing and interaction. It’s not so easy when the child is struggling.
When this child started to exhibit concerning behaviors, the team’s “child-led approach” was completely abandoned.
They started to push MORE, instead of approaching the behaviors for what they are- a demonstration of a deeper challenge that the child is facing.
There was no discussion as to how to re-establish the connection, or how to make sure they were honoring this child’s regulation and sensory needs.
Instead, they talked only about the behaviors, as if these behaviors were a choice that the child was making that could be extinguished with more structure, more reward systems, more restraints.
But let me say this loud and clear:
No child CHOOSES to have concerning and difficult behaviors.
A child-led team would honor the child’s communication- no matter the modality. They would recognize signs of dysregulation BEFORE the child got to the point of frustration. They would have put the child’s unique neurotype and needs ahead of their plans that were dictated by insurance.
But they didn’t. Because at the end of the day, they were not child-led providers.
The reason the child ended up having a very difficult time was because there were excess demands being placed on her and the connection she thought she had with her team fell apart. This likely put her into a state of fight or flight, and every time she tried to escape the room, she was not honored.
A child-led therapist would follow her.
We would NOT lock and block the door (unless it was dangerous).
IF a child got to this level of dysregulation with us (which happens at times, we are not perfect and neither is the child we are supporting), we would be immediately looking for ways to co-regulate. We’d be dimming the lights, offering strategies we know to be supportive. We’d be following the child into the hallway (as long as it’s safe), and validating their actions as communication. We’d go for a walk, go to a calmer environment, do whatever it would take to help the child get back to themselves.
We would NOT stand in front of the door and divert our attention away from the child. And that’s the difference.
A child-led therapist is there WITH your child, in all of the ways that they show up.
Even when it’s inconvenient. And hard, and we’re sweating. And we don’t know what we’re doing. And we’re trying things but nothing’s helping. And there’s toys thrown all over the room. And water dumped on the floor.
We know that these moments require empathy, not force.
So if you’re not going to follow the child’s lead no matter where they take you…do families a favor, and delete those words from your website. Be honest.
Or better yet- take the time to really commit to learning about being child-led and truly follow this approach and watch EVERYTHING improve.
Have you heard about The OFFER Method? The OFFER Method is my child-led approach to modeling language for autistic children who are gestalt language processors. I’m offering a FREE workshop and workbook all about this approach to modeling language, for parents & professionals. Learn more here!!
