My child doesn’t play…what can I do?
I have never met a child who truly does not play.
That being said- I have met countless children who adults described as having no ability to play. So, what causes this discrepancy?
In my ten years as a pediatric speech-language pathologist, I believe that this discrepancy occurs because many adults have a very limited perspective of what “play” actually means.
When someone tells me a child doesn’t play, my first question is:
“How do you define play?”
Adults will almost always respond to this question describing the child’s disinterest in playing with toys. They’ll mention that the child does not like to play “functionally” with toys. They may describe their child as unwilling to play with other kids, or only playing with things in one way, that is not how the toy was intended. This tells me exactly what I need to know in order to help reframe “play.”
Put simply, play is anything a person is intrinsically motivated to do for pure and simple enjoyment.
So if your child is not playing with toys, or they have limited interest in some kinds of play- I want you to remember that it’s okay- all play is valid!
As a play-based speech therapist, I always ask parents- what does your child do when they’re regulated and on their own? Maybe they run around the house or rip up some paper. Maybe they turn the sink off and on and watch the water. Maybe they spin around in circles or line their cars and toys up in rainbow order. Maybe they prefer to watch their favorite video on repeat, or maybe they hold items up close to visually inspect them.
ALL of these examples are play! And none is better than another.
I also like to ask- when is your child their happiest self? Maybe it’s when they’re moving their body, or spending time around a certain family member. Maybe it’s while they’re outside, or on the swing. Maybe it’s while they’re watching a video of their favorite character.
We want to identify these moments of joy so that we can join in. We don’t want to try to change the child’s play- but rather become a partner in their experience. We know that our kids learn best in play- but for play to truly be play- it has to be meaningful for the child. So we can follow their lead and show interest in their interests- without our own agenda.
So here’s to all the play your child loves- let’s join in their joy and help them communicate while doing what they love ❤️
